I'm Glad I Didn't Give Up On Myself

I'm glad I didn't give up on myself.

On July 28, 2017 I took a leap of faith and wrote my first blog post, Vital For Survival. I was really inspired by the movie Girls Trip, the message I took from the movie and seeing numerous women bond and laugh together while watching such a groundbreaking film. While I was inspired, I was also terrified. I was so scared to share my thoughts with other people that I almost did not push the Publish link. I actually clicked “Publish” by mistake and had a 5 minute panic attack (typical me). I was so nervous as to what people would say about something that I created – my words, my thoughts, my opinions. The thought still gives me the worst anxiety when I think about it. It is a fear that I push through week after week because I needed a place where I could be myself, share my thoughts and in turn inspire others to share with me and others as we grow and try our absolute best to navigate through this thing called life and try to be better every day.

I’m afraid, but I do it.

I’m happy I did not close my laptop only to never click “Publish." I'm proud of myself for doing it, even if it was not intentional and by mistake; except it wasn’t. God knew I did not have the courage to willingly push that button on my own, so forcing my hand was completely necessary. I had no idea what I was doing. I still don’t! I’m literally learning along the way and it’s a great feeling to know that I am creating a lane and a platform for myself, especially during a time in my life where I feel held back and looked over in my career (we’ll talk about job rejection on another day lol), and where I also feel like, what I truly want to do with my life, no one is going to give it to me. I have to create it myself. So while I have no clue what I am doing, I am going to continue at it until I am great and can do it with my eyes closed. I'm happy and did it and I’m glad I did not give up on myself.

This is not the first time in my life where I felt like I had no clue how to navigate. When I moved to Charlotte in January of 2010 to attend UNC Charlotte, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I stepped on that campus and had stars and fear in my eyes all at once. I wanted to do so much and didn’t know what to do all at the same time. I had so many plans – I was going to be a business major so I could learn how to start my own business, I was going to pledge with my friends, and I was going to graduate and start making crazy money! Well, life comes at you fast. I did not declare Business as my major because accounting kicked my entire ass. I did, however, declare Communication Studies as my major and discovered that not only am I a decent writer, but I actually enjoy it. I did not pledge as I so desperately wanted to. I had gotten so sick during my early college years that my grades dropped severely and I was literally fighting for my health and my education. I still do not know what was wrong with me during that time – the doctors couldn’t diagnose it despite the many tests they had run. What I did know was that school was all I had at that time. When my grades dropped and I was not only kicked out of school but denied financial aid. My sick self found a way to pay for summer classes to help raise my GPA, spent hours on the phone with the Dean of my college trying to convince him to reinstate me (he said no numerous times), and visiting financial aid. I submitted multiple appeal letters, showed them my medical records and kept the faith that not only would I be reinstated back into school, but I would receive financial aid and would bounce back. The dean of my college told me I would be kicked out again. After being reinstated for the fall, I finished out with a 3.7 semester GPA, healthy and happy. I’m glad I did not give up on myself.

At the place that I’m in, I want to give up every day. Every day I wake up talking myself into going to work and pushing through, pep talk myself into applying for potential job opportunities, nurture myself as I write for Briana, I am and push myself towards the goals I have set for myself. The motivation is not always there, but the vision is and that is what keeps me going. We all have hardships and situations that we have made it out of – things that helped to shape who we are today and when we sit back and reflect, serve as tools for motivation and encouragement. I personally try to remind myself that I have survived 100% percent of my worst days. The only reason why we should look back is to see how far we have come and remind ourselves why we are glad we did not give up.

So, please…

Don’t give up on yourself.

I won’t give up on myself.

We got this. We can do this.